I am too tired to write out everything that happened today... But basically josh and I had a fight. Big one. He left. Didn't come back for like 7 hours. I was going crazy and mad because he lefme alone with Isabel and no car and wouldn't answer my phone or text. I finally got a hold of him at like 630/PM and I didn't mean to but I lost it. I yelled and screamed at him...i know others heard me. I know I scared Isabel. It hurts SO bad to hurt her. Yet I couldn't help it. I was upset and angry and I needed to express my bottled up emotions. My hurt. My broken heart.
I love Isabel so much but I am so human. I pray I don't mess her up to bad. :'( I asked my mom if I could take her over there for the night. I needed a break and couldn't deal emotionally. Plus josh and I needed to talk it out for a few hours.. Sigh. Well I have been dreading being grateful for this day. Here it goes anyway.
1. Isabel's sweet smiling spirit...even when I'm sad she smiles.
2. Blessing I got from josh after our fight. Pure heart and light shining out of me. I'm right on schedule. He heals through his love. Pray for this healing. Lord will cut down my tree.
3. A stroller.
4. Nap time.
5. Traci , being able to vent to her and feel better after.
6. Slept in , josh watched her so I could sleep in.
7. Reassurance about getting into Midway college (josh)
8. Parents who came to pick up Isabel when I couldn't handle her anymore... Or rather couldn't handle me. Huge comfort to have them.
9. The playroom in the back of the house. A separate space for Isabel's toys.
10. Helping josh learn to process his emotions. Helping him confront his anger issues...and finding that alot of it is ancestral.... No wonder we are struggling so much. I need to pray to help whoever the ancestor is to heal.
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