Day 20 - losing focus & gaining perspective

1. Josh getting a day off of work so he could be home 5 days in a row. I feel so spoiled to have the time I have been given with him! Isabel loves it. And it helps me cope with my pregnancy. Things are getting tough for me.
2. Josh's medication. ADHD pills. It is teaching us a lot about our bodies. The way we react to medication can signify deeper u derlying issues that aren't being resolved. The issues josh has experienced has helped us to pin point what it is that is really going on. The fact that his ears pop every time his meds kick in and help him hear and smell better all lead me to believe that there has to be a connection with the way blood flows in and out of this area of the brain (all connected to the sinus') and why it is affecting his sinus'. We both feel it has something to do with blood circulation to his brain. This led me to research a ton... And came to cranial sacral therapy which seems to explain why he is experiencing what he is. Conventional doctors don't seem to make mention of any of this stuff and just lead people along never really leading them to true healing. I feel this therapy may help guide him to the right area . this therapy suggests ADHD can be related to pre birth trauma and the way neck is positioned/none structure. It is a lead. Trusting God.
3. Talking to George and lisa today about energy healing! How George is more open to it now. Love having family who get it!
4. Learning that Lisa uses a pendulum. After I was promoted to start using one (instead of muscle testing).
5. Going to the arbetoreum today. Playing in the bamboo forest with Isabel. Running around the park exploring.
6. Essential oils. And Apple cider vinegar. I realize they do make me feel better and I want to start using them more.
7. New desk that josh made from our old one. He cut it in half now we have two!
8. Saying prayers with isabel in the morning and before bed. Reading a night time book with her. Seeing her interest in the book.
9. The joy I see in Isabel's face when she plays with her daddy. For dads unending abundance of energy and his enthusiasm for playing with Isabel when I can't.
10. A treadmill that works great!! Thank you Leavitts. I walked a mile at least.

Prayer. Gifts of the spirit. The light of Christ and the holy ghost. My crystals. My parents. My sister. My body. My mind. Hope. Hope. And hope.

Day #19 -Finding my focus

1. My pink crystal quartz rock gifted to me by a girl in my energy healing group. I meditated with it today and about fell asleep it relaxed me so. I read later that that is one of the effects of Rose quartz, it makes you sleepy and calms you down.
2. Impression to write out my prayer to God. And having him impress me to meditate with my Rose quartz in instead of clean.
3. Isabel sleeping 14 hours straight! From 7p-10am! Wow. Growth spurt or something? She normally wakes in the night. I got 9 hours.
4. Catching up on emails and texts with people.
5. Having a friendly kitty come and play with Isabel and I. It made her so happy. She kept chasing it and it never hissed or bit her.
6. Cooler weather , I was able to wear a big sweater outside and didn't have to worry about finding s shirt to wear.
7. Being led to reiki and to lis powers class...apparently I'm on the fbpage, but when I go to see if I'm there I'm not... So it seems like a sign to me. I feel like I need to receive attunements to help me advance spiritually. Also to help me heal myself and my family.
8. Toys that Shannon and Denise gave us.
9. Isabel being more attentive and less irritable (most of the time) and more interested in reading books.
10. Time to relax and research things on the internet. Time to unwind and think.
11. Getting my hair to look good in a bun today.

Day 18 - Earthquakes and 100 Desicions

I've been so overwhelmed with desicions. I don't even know the beginning of it.
The future is as bright as your faith.
Well I am going to need lots of faith and even more prayer to get through all this.
I believe miracles are happening everyday. I believe that God works in mysterious ways and when he leads us down one path that winds up being a dead end road it is because he needs us to learn wisdom to prepare us for the road ahead.
All I know right now is that things will be changing. And life may get a bit uncomfortable for the next couple of years. But it will be a sacrifice worth making and one that will push and test me , and deliver me at the same time.

Moving back in with my parents is not something that I originally planned, wanted of even considered an option!

Well the road God took me down showed me that the road I was on wasn't the road that would lead me to safety or prosperity. In fact it would have led us to longer term bondage and much hardship.

Buying a home was a sensible option because it is cheaper to buy than rent...in a sense... But maybe not in the long run. The down payment is binding. The upkeep drains . The being stuck in one place isn't good either. This may not be where we are meant to live long term.

So life has been a rollercoaster the past two - three days and I feel like I'm rebounding from a mild depression. I suppose thinking about the negatives and not focusing on positives is causing me to lose sight of God's hand. Forgetting to journal in here and being so extremely fatigued is wearing me out.

Well time to change things around.

1. Free toys Denise gave us. For Isabel finding friends in Shannon and Denises' kids.
2. Creative play with Isabel. Doing one thing a day that teaches her something new.
3. Isabel pointing to her head, ears, eyes, nose, mouth!
4. Hope of a bright future. Josh and nursing school. Long term possibly nurse anaesthetic.
5. Daily walks and for a body that is healthy despite everything that could go wrong.
6. Being able to plan a mini vacation and having money to do so.
7. My parents generosity.
8. My sister's help.
9. The sweet peace I felt when we decided to live with my parents after almost buying a house.
10. Reminders to pray.
11. Nursery.
12. Change. That we are moving forward again even though it is uncomfortable.
13. Hope. Hope that I will find my calling or passion in life.

Graditude day #17 - Future Plans, Country Living, and Dragons

We will cut straight to 10 Fe the day

1. Going to Midway college and getting a feel for the campus, reassurance that all will be well and all will work out.
2. Meeting up with Bonnie Fint at our Bald Knob Rd home. We love a lot of things about it. It's perfect for us and we hope that everything will work in our favor for the home.
3. Ruth messaging me back and telling me more details about my session. Helping me understand that the creature on my back is gone and I really am fine and okay . reassurance that my dragon is protecting me, that angels are around me, that I can overcome. I have seriously been feeling so reassured lately and surrounded in love.
4. Feeling surrounded in love. Finally not feeling alone and empty. Feeling the hand of God in my life helping me cope.
5. Josh deciding to take a sick day tomorrow....(what a relief) my body seriously needs time to recooperated and doing a 24 hour day is a huge burden on my body right now. I need to rest...
6. Josh emailing Ruth for his own session .
7. Josh doing the dishes
8. Being told that I was close to the dragons in the premortal realm. That I knew Ruth's sister who was also involved with them in the pre earth world. Thinking about meeting her gets me excited.
9. Discussing the rules in our home and the need to come together in unity with Josh on them. Setting up rules for our house like the structure for Isabel. What we will and won't allow. How to help her find order and consistency....example: getting rid of high chair and feeding her only with silly cuo and letting her eat as she pleases in a big girls chair...leaving the food there for her to eat later even if she decides she's not hungry . give her a second chance if she is picky by altering what we make (add sugar) to help Isabel want to eat. We are still talking about other rules.
10. Josh working so hard for our family. I really really appreciate his hard work for us. Bless him with strength and love. I pray he will be able to handle his load.

Gratitude day #15 - sticking to my guns!

I'm not sure why I made this my title, I just felt like today was one of those days where I just had to stick to my guns!

In other words, stick to my goals and work hard even though I would much rather give up the ghost or have a breakdown!

My main goals right now are simple.
Stick to my meal plan. Prepare healthy and wholesome meals for myself and family.
Daily devotionals
Prayer in the morning and at night before bed.
Read Isabel books
Do a couple creative activities with her
Go on a walk
Get out of the house and explore
Keep the house clean.

I don't do this perfectly, but so far I've been keeping up. However I'm beginning to slow down a lot . my body cannot walk long distances anymore nor can I do long putting with a cranky Isabel. I have a hard time carrying her. It makes it so hard to keep going in the day when my feet hurt and I wonder when will I ever get a break?

Today is a josh at work all day , day. So I made it. And I'm happy. I hope my body goes back to normal after this pregnancy. So I am not so dependent on others or on josh.

Ten

1. The meal plan day two, the yummy Asian salad I made. It feels good to eat so well from home!!!
2. Recipe book Donna got me to put all my new recipes in.
3. Ruth , energy healer, offering to help me do work on my babies.
4. Learning new methods to cook different ingredients. Pureeing cauliflower! It was actually very easy! Now that I've done it, I've already overcome that mental block, and it will only be easier to eat healthy from here on out.
5. Got basil at Wilson's nursery's.
6. For Isabel. She's teaching me how to be a better person and motivates me to get myself and my life in line.
7. All the gifts I've been given from my family. I've been given a lot!
8. Hope. One of my biggest blessings is the hope I've felt come through the atonement. To know it'll be fine .
9. A bed. That Isabel is sleeping well.
10. Grace. For magical moments of grace and help I receive that gets me through each day. Even if it's nothing visible or big. Sometimes it's just a feeling of peace that averts a earthquake. Or a breakdown.

GRACE is the missing link: An LDS perspective

I'm a Mormon, or Latter-Day Saint. While I wholeheartedly believe that Joseph Smith restored truth to the earth, I don't believe we always understand the truth that is there for us to a fullness. I feel that "grace" in our religion is one of those misunderstood doctrines. It is perhaps a cultural belief that  we we only receive the grace of god after all we can possibly do (aka, after doing all the work we can on our own THEN Christ makes up the rest). However, that is not what the scripture means. I had a teacher at BYU-Idaho tell us once that the scripture should actually read "after all we can do...to come unto HIM."

In terms of receiving his enabling power we simply have to come unto him and believe that he can change us, and that he is mighty to save. You don't have to be perfect to qualify for this power. You don't even need to have a temple recommend, or even be a member of the church. The grace of God is administered in my understanding through the holy spirit. All men have the spirit, not all have the holy ghost. The Holy spirit speaks to us through our conscience. It enlightens us, guides us, leads us to do that which is good. It leads us to do that which we would normally not do, think, or say. It leads us to do what is completely unexpected.

This is why I rejoice when I understand the missing link between my righteous desires ~ and the actual fulfillment of those desires. I cannot be the only one who feels overly frusterated when I try to do all I can do (of my own will) and continue to come up short. Why? It is because I and others do not understand that we are missing the entire point of the atonement! Through that atonement the Lord is able to offer us power, through his grace, to help us overcome all things. That means A. we cannot do all we can do and expect to get to the gates of heaven. We have to do all we can do to come unto Christ, to know him, to trust him, to obey him. He will not ask us to do more than we are able. He will lead us line upon line, precept upon precept. As long as we are obeying the promptings of the spirit we will receive his grace to continue in this way until we reach our goals. All goals and any righteous goals that we may have can be attained through this method.

My favorite quote from my favorite talk by LDS - Brad Wilcox, "His Grace Is Sufficient" This talk changed my life!

 I am so sad it took me so long to understand this. Luckily the Lord led me to this talk by Brad Wilcox entitled "His Grace Is Sufficient." It changed my entire life.

I wanted to share this excerpt with you out of a book entitled "Grace Goals" by Arabah Joy. I just started reading and stumbled upon this:

Scripture tells us Christ has purchased the provision we need to change and has given us everything we need to live a life of progressive godliness! (II Peter 1:3)

But how?

There’s this passage I stumbled on in II Thessalonians around the same time my friend first confided her addiction to me. It’s Paul speaking here, the same author of Romans 7:15, and again he speaks of desires, those yearnings for godliness. But get this: instead of rehashing the angst of Romans 7, he says, “We constantly pray for you, that our God may bring to fruition your every desire for goodness... according to the grace of our God and the Lord Jesus Christ.” (II Thessalonians 1:11-12, NIV)

When I first read those verses, something connected, like a missing piece of the puzzle. On one hand we have godly desire~ those yearnings for righteousness ~ and on the other we have the fulfillment of those desires in the living out of our daily lives. And that missing piece, the thing in the middle that connects the two? It is...
Well, read this passage again so you see it for yourself:

“We constantly pray for you, that our God may bring to fruition your every desire for goodness... according to the grace of our God and the Lord Jesus Christ.” II Thessalonians 1:11-12, NIV

Do you see it? Our godly desires are fulfilled “according to” or “by” the grace that God gives us.
Does this fire you up? It sure does me! God is willing to fulfill our desires for godliness and put rubber on the tarmac of our spiritual lives and He does it through the provision of grace.

Now I know grace is one of those Christian-ese terms we throw around a lot and sing about it. We think we understand it because, well, we’ve all experienced it to some degree or another. But let me tell you, grace is extremely practical. 

Grace is the power of God. It is more than God’s forgiveness when we do wrong... it is God’s enablement to do right. Grace is what has the power to transform a person’s life.

Let me just show you what I mean... Titus 2:12 says the grace of God trains us and teaches us to say "No" to ungodliness and to live self-controlled and godly lives.
Hebrews 13:9 says grace is what strengthens the heart. There is a unique strengthening that can only come from grace.
II Corinthians 9:8 says the grace of God is always sufficient, always in abundance, always present, and always relevant (applicable) to your situation.
From these verses alone, we see God’s grace ENABLES us to say YES to every good and godly work and say NO to every ungodly and selfish desire.

The Bible tells us the grace of God is always sufficient, no matter what.

Gratitude day #14 - crunching numbers and more hope

The good news of the day- and possibly of the year, is that nursing school is within reach and living expenses will be covered if all goes well!! I am feeling very hopeful! I know the negative voice in my mind that tries to sabatoge things says "don't get your hopes up, something bad will happen, or likely will and you will be disappointed."

Josh tells me to tell that voice to take a hike. That we have paid our tithing and we will be very blessed for it. Have hope and have faith. Even if it doesn't work out as planned, that's okay! I trust that there is a better option awaiting us.

Key right now is learning to recognize the holy spirit. !!!!
Need to pray and pray and pray some more for it.

The home we are looking at is on Bald Knob Road and is on some land. The house seems to need lots of updating, however... So that's the issue. I'm not sure id want to buy unless we got it for a really good deal. But it's in an ideal spot! Near to my parents. And 2 miles into town.

We could own chickens, and animals! Have a garden, grow thjngs. It also has a pool. So, it is something to think about.

Anyways, crunching numbers today for cost of living for 2 years while josh is going to school. I figured out that if josh kept his job we would get by with living expenses and possibly even his college debt! May not need to take out loans, either.. Plus he may get help with paying for his nursing if he worked full time .

It was a huge relief to know that his job would help us cover most of everything. A loan may happen for a couple thousand but we can figure it out. We definitely need to get a cheaper home too.

Well here is my 10
1. Going to visit my grandparents and Donna, for all the many many things that they got us! And Isabel and baby. Huge blessing! She found a Noahs ark bedroom set. Clothes. Toys. The works! So grateful!!
2. My Mom, all she does for me and all the service she gives me . watching Isabel. Washing my clothes. Helping me clean my own home. She's always available and there for me.
3. Crunching numbers and figuring out what we need to do financially to make this work (college), and a home.
4. Finding the home on Bald Knob Road , it gives us hope that we can find what we need and land included.
5. Sleeping in till 9 , and Isabel not waking up.
6. Foot massage from Josh :)
7. Success with my first meal in my month of meal plans! I get excited to cook when I have a plan. It was healthy too...
8. For Isabel's protection... That she hasn't been seriously hurt yet!
9. Exciting future plans. Being able to look forward to the future in hope not in fear. Being able to have a reassurance that God is guiding us and that we are being led. I know that as long as I keep the commandments I will be safe and protected.
10. My companionship with my husband. That we both desire the same things, and that he desires to change and improve his life. His love for the gospel and all the service he gives me and all the help he offers me. For providing. For playing. For being my comfort and my protector. I pray that the Lord will bless him for all he does.